What do I say to my son when he says “I'm naughty” or “I'm bad”?

Thank you for your question. I actually wouldn't worry too much about the word “bad” itself.

At his age, he may simply be using the words he has to express something bigger — disappointment in himself, guilt, or realizing that he made a choice he isn't proud of. As his vocabulary grows, the words he uses to describe those feelings will probably change too.

So instead of focusing on correcting “I'm bad” with “No, you're not,” I would focus on the feeling underneath it.

You can say, “It sounds like you're disappointed in yourself because of what happened.” Or, “You made a choice you don't feel good about. What do you think you can do differently next time?”

It's okay for him to feel disappointed in his behavior. We don't always need to take that uncomfortable feeling away. We can help him understand it, move through it, and learn from it.

The important message is: “You can make a mistake without that mistake defining who you are.”

Tali